Marital Happiness and Marital Well-Being

Marital happiness and marital well-being appear to be frequently used concepts in existing literature while examining marital relationships (Badr & Acitelli, 2008; Berlin & Connolly, 2018; Guven et al., 2012; Qari, 2014; Stafford et al., 2004; Veroff et al., 1998; Waite et al., 2009). Subjective well-being is referred to as how people feel satisfied about their lives (Diener, 1984), and marital well-being is defined by Manalel et al. (2019) as “a multifaceted construct that captures the positive dimension of the marital tie, including martial happiness, marital satisfaction, and perceived relationship stability.” Although the boundaries of marital being, marital happiness, and marital satisfaction are not clearly defined, both marital well-being and marital happiness have been used to indicate positive aspects of how the couples view their marital relationships.

Malley (1989), Malley and Veroff (1990) suggested that marital well-being is strongly influenced by a balance between an individual mastery of one’s experiences and a relational

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connection with others in marriage. Sense of self or self-identity was reported to be critical, as

“an absence of a sense of self in marriage could decrease the fulfillment experienced in a loving marital relationship” and “a person may not feel that he/she is in a loving relationship without at the same time experiencing a solid sense of self.” The sense of self-identity has been constantly mentioned in the interviews by the Chinese wives, especially with regard to the way they chose to live their lives and spend their time, as well as how they handle conflicts. As one of the interviewees talked about her life, “I don’t want to live a housewife’s life. I want to have self-realization, do things I like and feel full about my life.” Veroff et al. (1998) introduced an affective balance, which refers to how the couples feel about their positive over negative experiences. The researchers examined happiness in stable marriages in the first four years of 199 black and 174 white couples in search for the factors that are associated with marital happiness, and these couples were chosen because they have never thought about separating from their partners. By integrating three conceptual frameworks of gender role expectation, affective balance and the assumption of the balance, they found that gender role orientation is key to expectation, and appeared to be stronger among working class people than the more affluent classes. Regarding affective balance in personal style, the results indicated that white husbands showed high satisfaction with their marriages if their spouses are zestful and agreeable through their cooperative and considerate ways. It was found that black wives’

anxious styles have a positive impact on their husbands’ marital satisfaction, the reason is “when wives are anxious, men can be the caretakers”. However, the reverse is not true. Regarding affective balance in interactive style, sharing leisure activities and time together, the frequency and style of conflict, the partners’ supportiveness of each other, and sex have been reported to influence marital happiness. For white husbands, sex appears to be key to their happiness;

whereas for the black husbands, sharing time and activities together revealed to be the basis of their happiness. For both white wives and black husbands, support is viewed as important, and

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the absence of support from a spouse is negative for the marital happiness; however, this doesn’t apply to white husbands. Understanding appeared to be important for both white and black women’s marital well-being, lack of understanding has been reported to affect most on women’s well-being in that “the greater lack of understanding by husbands, the less happiness in wives”, and “husbands’ lack of understanding may have accumulative effects over time”.

The findings revealed that conflict plays a more significant role in the happiness (or unhappiness) of young black couples than it does for white couples. Style of conflict behavior is also significantly related to black couples’ marital happiness; more conflict should lead to more unhappiness in the marriage. For many blacks, being more open and expressive may mean less fear that conflict will inevitably lead to violence or disruption of relationships. In comparison with these results, the result of this study is in line with Veroff et al.’s (1998) conclusion that gender role orientation is key to expectation, and appeared to be stronger among working class people than the more affluent classes. Given all the participants in this current study have at least university degrees and are financially independent, their orientation toward gender roles is to be equal, and those who are happier with their marriage expect more equality and mutual support from their husbands. For example, one participants expressed her anger while she had to quit her job and became a housewife after coming to Japan. When she received a credit card from her husband for daily expenses, she felt being insulted. “I think I have to become financially independent. I can’t stand this feeling (of being given money like a favor), because I also I have my pride and self-esteem.” Similar to the black participants in the Veroff et al.’s study, the Chinese wives are more expressive and open to discuss their conflicts than their Japanese husbands. The same interviewee explained that she had been trying very hard to explain how Chinese think and do things, what is the norm for a husband and father to solve the conflicts between them.

Stafford et al. (2004) had a longitudinal study on marital well-being by drawing data from

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1987-1988 and 1992-1994 National Survey of Families and Households, and reported that time has a significant effect on companionship, sexual interaction, relationship satisfaction, and commitment, conflict and arguments increased over time and couples found it difficult to remain calm and keep their opinions to themselves when their perception of marital satisfaction decreased. As Berger and Kellner (1964) claimed, “the shift to marriage invokes redefinition of an individual’s self and relationship perceptions”, disagreement and conflict appear inevitable in close relationships, and conflict increases over time. Similar finding was reported by Rash et al. (1974) that conflict is inevitable when partners in a close relationship seek to satisfy their varied needs, and they argued that clear communication is a prerequisite for conflict resolution.

As conflict increases over time, constructive conflict management techniques are associated with relationship satisfaction and stability, regardless of couple type (Brown, 2000). Although in this study the Chinese wives tended to use more clear communication skills for conflict resolution, this may not be a prerequisite for their Japanese husbands.

Perceived responsibilities based on gender roles such as housework also caught some researchers’ attention while examining marital relationship. For instance, Badr and Acitelli (2008) reported that marital satisfaction with the division of housework is positively related to closeness and negatively related to conflict when they were examining the interactive effects of attachment insecurity and perceptions of housework on marital well-being. This resonates with the findings of Ward (1993) and Coltrane (2000). Ward (1993) examined household equity and marital happiness in later life and found that housework may play a particularly salient role in women’s benefit/equity perception. Highly anxious men reported greater equity and highly anxious women reported less equity when their partners did more routine housework. In this study, since all of the Chinese wives were seeking an equal relationship, their perceived gender roles were reported to be different from their husbands’, especially when they live in Japan with the husband knowing nothing much about the norm in China. The more differences the Chinese

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wives felt in gender roles, the less satisfaction they felt with their marriage. For example, one mentioned her husband’s perception of her as first, a mother, then a wife which had brought her great pressure and stress because she saw herself as a career woman first. She didn’t try to communicate her cultural norm because she felt that it would be pointless, “after all, he is not like Chinese men, he doesn’t have the spirit of sacrifice and self-devotion for family. in his mind, you are first his child’s mother, and this is your obligation. So first do your job well, only after this you can talk about what you want. It is just different from China.” This difference and frustration it had brought almost led her to divorce her husband.

Although housework may be one factor affecting marital satisfaction, it is not the only factor, as income emerged as a significant predictor of marital satisfaction. Income as a factor of affecting marital relationship can also be found in the study by Brown et al. (2012) which investigated patterns of marital well-being over time among black and white Americans in their first 7 years. The results indicated that “race, income, and premarital child” affected husbands’

marital well-being, and “education, wives’ employment status, and divorced parents”

influenced wives’ marital well-being in their first year of marriage. Corra et al. (2009) reported the influence of employment to marital happiness. By examining trends in marital happiness by gender and race from 1973 to 2006, they found that wives’ employment status was reported to be positively related to the marital well-being among black American wives, but negative among white American wives. Being unemployed was negatively related to marital well-being among black American wives, and positive among white American wives. Being employed and having their own income appears to affect black American wives’ perception of their marital happiness. Interestingly, the Chinese wives in this study reported similar result as of the black American wives. Like the black American wives, the Chinese wives claimed that they want to have a career through employment because it is one way to find their values, explore their identity and reach self-realizations as well as making friends and having connections with the

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outside world. Since most of the Chinese wives are only child in the family, they may not have to worry about their financial situation, but working allows them to use their knowledge and skills which makes them feel more satisfying and fulfilling with their lives.

Waite et al. (2009) examined the consequences for psychological well-being of marital stability and change over the five-year period between the two waves of the National Survey of Families and Households in 1987-1988 and 1922-1993, and reported that marital disruption can cause a few problems such as distress, emotional and behavioral problems for children, and reduce emotional well-being.