Ⅰ．
Narration
例題：九州大学2008年度 ( words) Mistakes and failures provide us with a chance to learn something new. In a 100-word English essay, write about one unforgettable mistake or failure that you have experienced and explain in detail what you have learned from it and its effects.６年ライティング2008 テクスト・タイプ別演習 Ⅰ．Narration 解答例の検討
解答例１
I was a very good student in elementary school, so my parents and I expected good grades.
For some reason, I assumed classes would be easier my last year, so I played video games
instead of studying after school. Our teacher warned us that the first quarter tests would be
very difficult. I didn’t worry because I had always gotten good grades. I should have listened
to her because my scores were the lowest ever! My parents were angry, of course, but I was
angrier because I had let myself down. That failure taught me the danger of over-confidence
and assumptions. (101 words)
解答例２
The worst mistake I ever made was sending an email to my friend with a link to a website.
When I opened the site, it looked so funny. I thought this is worth looking at, so I sent the
URL to my friend. After sending I clicked a picture on the site. Then computer stopped
working! And I realized that I downloaded a computer virus! I telephoned my friend soon,
but it was too late. We took our computers to a repair shop, but we lost all our files. Since
６年ライティング2008 テクスト・タイプ別演習 Ⅰ．Narration Practice
次のうち１題を選び、所定の用紙に解答しなさい。
演習問題N１：茨城大学 2008年度
次のトピックについて自分の経験や考えを140∼160語の英文で述べなさい。 “The best moment in my life”
演習問題N２：千葉大学 2008年度
次の英文の で囲まれた部分に 100∼150 語で自由に英文を書き，全体としてストーリーを完 成させなさい。
When I look back on my childhood, it is the people I remember more than anything else. I was influenced by many people such as my parents, friends and teachers. However, there was one person who influenced me more than anyone else, helping me to develop and make important decisions about my future. That person was a teacher I met when I moved to a new school.
There is nothing as exciting as the first day at a new school. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I arrived at a new school where I did not know anyone and wondered if I would be able to get used to life there. At first I found it hard to cope with the new environment. Then I met a great teacher who was to play a very important role in my schooldays.
That teacher played an important role in my decision to be a teacher, and that is why I am here today.
演習問題N３：福島大学 2008年度
次の英語の質問について，100語程度の英語で自分の考えを書きなさい。(How are you? は 3語
と数えます。)（注：原題は２つの質問から１つを選ぶ形式）
Ⅰ．
Narration
解答する問題番号 N（ ）６年ライティング2008 テクスト・タイプ別演習 Ⅰ．Narration Peer Review （書いた人） の文章についての （読んだ人） のレビュー □には該当項目にチェック（レ）を入れる。 には必要事項を記入する。 ①どの出来事を最も伝えたかったかわかりやすいですか？ □わかりやすい □ちょっとわかりにくいかも □修行して出直して来い！ ②また、その出来事は何番目のパラグラフで述べられていますか？ 第 パラグラフ ③この文章はいくつのパラグラフから構成されていますか？ 個 ④パラグラフの区切り方と話のまとまりが一致していますか？ □一致している □一部がちぐはぐ □修行して出直して来い！
⑤接続表現（つなぎ言葉：接続詞やin other words, in addition, What was worse…など） を使っていますか？
□使っている □あまり使っていない □修行して出直して来い！
解答例の検討
検討の例
解答例１I was a very good student in elementary school, (1)so my parents and I expected good grades. For some reason, I assumed classes would be easier my last year, (2)so I played video games instead of studying after school. Our teacher warned us that the first quarter tests would be very difficult. I didn’t worry because I had always gotten good grades. (3)I should have listened to her because my scores were the lowest ever! My parents were angry, of course, but I was angrier because I had let myself down. That failure taught me the danger of over-confidence and assumptions. (101 words)
(1) so で接続すべき論理関係と言えるかどうか。a very good student というときの good の意味が広汎 すぎるのに対し、good grades は成績の問題に絞ってある。このとき、前半の good が成績面につい て用いられているのだとしたら、「成績のよい生徒だったので、良い成績を期待していた」となって、 トートロジー。
２つのgood が別の意味で用いられているとしたら、この文章からはそれが伝わらない。
改善案としては、I was a very good student を削除してしまって、When I was in elementary school, I always got good grades without any special effort. のようにした方がわかりやすいの ではないか。
(2) 「遊んでばかりいた」→「先生が警告した」→「心配していなかった」という流れがぎこちない。第３文 に “Although our teacher warned…”のように接続表現がないと、情報がスムーズに流れない。 前文の新情報を次の文が旧情報として受けて、次の新情報を出す、というのがスムーズな情報構造 なので、その点が改善できる。
「遊んでばかりいた」と「心配していなかった」はひとまとめにできる情報なので、第２文以降を、 Even in the last year, I assumed classes would be easier, so I did nothing but playing video games for many hours every day. I was so confident about my study that I didn’t pay the slightest attention to my teacher’s warning that the first quarter tests would be very difficult.
のようにすると、同種の情報が順接関係で並ぶので、情報構造としてより滑らかになる。
(3)前とのつながりがなくいきなり I should have…と来るのは情報の流れが悪い。前文の新情報を旧 情報として受けて文を始める。
games for many hours every day. I was so confident about my study that I didn’t pay the slightest attention to my teacher’s warning that the first quarter tests would be very difficult. She was correct ,and I got the lowest score ever! I should have listened to her. My parents were angry, but I was even angrier because I had let myself down. I learned the danger of over-confidence and assumptions. (105 words)
解答例２
The worst mistake I ever made was sending an email to my friend with a link to a website. When I (1)opened the site, it looked so funny. I thought this (2)is worth looking at, so I sent the URL to my friend. After sending I clicked a picture on the site. Then (3)computer stopped working! And I realized that I (4)downloaded a computer virus! I telephoned my friend (5)soon, but it was too late. We took our computers to a repair shop, but we lost all our files. Since then, (6)I have been very careful when sending something dubious on the Internet. (103 words)
(1) 英語としてはアリだが、「サイトを開く」という日本語からの直訳のにおいがする。より頻度の高い表 現は、visit the site。
(2) 時制の一致で過去形にすべきところ。現在形も文法的にはアリといえばアリだが、有標。ここでは 現在形にするほどの情報とは考えられない。
(3) 冠詞がない。my computer か the computer にすべきところ。
(4) 出来事の前後関係を考えると、過去完了形にすべきところ。
(5) soon だと切迫感がない。at once の方が適切。
(6) 内容的にどうかな？というまとめ方。dubious = that may not be honest or safe なものを送るとき には気をつける、と言うが、dubious なものをわざわざ送る必要があるのか？という疑問。I have been very sensitive to security when using the Internet. ぐらいならスッと通るのだけど。
